Dear Fear.


i’m so afraid.

I hear you Fear.

You keep talking. You keep telling me I’m not good enough. You make me bite my nails, pick at them, and you  won’t let them grow. You upset my stomach. You throw my breathing off. You make my heart beat faster. 

You make me anxious Fear.

Why do you care so much about what people think?

What about what I think Fear… don’t you care that you paralyze me with terror. You keep me from manifesting my dreams. Why Fear? Don’t you like me?

Doesn’t it hurt you to hurt me?

I mean, aren’t we suppose to be on the same team… If you hurt, I hurt. If I hurt… how does that make you feel?

Do you like hurting me?

What do you get out of hurting me Fear? Is it so important to prove yourself right. Why do you feel the need to always be right…?

People are judging you…

Let them judge Fear! Why do you keep trying to hide?

Why are you putting more importance in other people than me. I house you, I listen to you… i feed you.

Why do I feed you Fear!

…you’re not good enough.

Is that really what you think. Based on what? Who are you comparing me to…

Why do you have such a perception of me… why do I let you win.

…I thought you were a source of motivation, but actually you can get downright crippling.

It’s my fault, really. I listen to you, I pay to much attention to you —and, boy do I pay…

You haven’t proven to make my life any better with all your “advice” Fear, and all of your criticism isn’t very constructive.

What is it you actually want Fear.

Come on, let’s talk.

I’m willing to work with you. To hear what you have to say and come up with options, together.

I actually do know… you’re only trying to look out for me, while you also fight to preserve yourself.

Well, thanks Fear. And, please, know that I’m not trying to get rid of you.

Don’t you know that I need you fear. 

It’s true. I need you to put a little fire in me; from time to time I need some motivation. It just burns too much when you overdo-it.

So maybe you can turn it down a notch?

Do you think we can work things out, what kind of life do you want to live?

I need you to work with me Fear. I’m really tired of the way you’ve been handling things so far. I think we both know that you can approach things waaaaay better…

You have a purpose Fear, you are needed, but the way you keep coming at me is no longer welcomed.

Please think things over and revise your approach.

7 traits that will help you make the best out of life in China

China, public art

Alright, so you heard that China is a great place for foreigners right now and you wanna give living there a shot.

Before you begin packing any bags, check out the following seven traits, see if you have what it takes to go to the PRC and really make the best out of your time spent living there.

  1. Determination — you need lots of determination to even make the trip. To begin with, it takes a lot of paperwork to get a Chinese visa. Then there’s not much info on the internet about China, or the info that is available is in Chinese therefore unhelpful, so you gotta be determined to continue your journey then once you get to China and the culture shock finally hits you you gotta be determined to stay there.
  2. Endurance — living in China is not easy, there are many strange Chinese habits that are really unusual for foreigners. Some can get very hard to stand, so just endure through those “classic China” moments and you’ll give yourself the chance to enjoy another day.
  3. Curiosity — you have to be really curious about China to make the best of of your time here then you have to maintain your curiosity specially strong through the tough times.  Things may get challenging or frustrating but you must remember that everything around you is still unknown, so you cannot use your typical way of thinking to judge what you see and experience. When you’re in China you must see everything through your lens of curiosity, things are very different here.
  4. Positivity — $#!+’s bound to happen, you’re bound to get annoyed, you’re bound to begin complaining. When you see yourself start to do that you must engage your positivity. Remember that there are actually many cool things about living in China, about being a foreigner in a monocultural country, about just living in a different country.
  5. Drive — you definitely need drive to make the most out of life in China. Sure, you can just endure through the initial opportunities China grants you or you can make life even better for you. There are many opportunities for foreigners in China, but they need to be active in pursuing them.
  6. Humor — you definitely need to use your humor to help you deal with some of the things that you experience in China. For example, China is actually a very safe place for people but if you’re not careful you’ll end up paying the foreigner price for nearly everything you buy. Just learn the standard pricing for the things you need otherwise you’ll be getting ripped-off too much to be able to use humor to laugh it off.
  7. Patience — always use your patience and stay relaxed, specially through the “classic China” moments — stress is no bueno.

China, public art

My Thoughts on Life

Simply put life is just a figment of our imagination. Life is a dream. That’s it. It’s all created in our heads.

If you think about it, waking life is as real as any sleeping dream. At least for me. My sleeping-dreams are so vivid. Everything is so clear and detailed. I can hear things, taste things, touch them, feel them. When I am asleep — and dreaming — even my emotions don’t stop, I experience all of them: excitement, fear, terror, happiness, anger, love, ecstasy.

It’s. All. So. Real!

Then there’s lucid dreams. Those are the best! When I have lucid dreams everything is as vivid as my usual dreams plus I have full control over everything that happens and everything I do in those dreams. 

So then — let’s just take a small hop here — if awake life is not much realer than any other sleeping-dream and dreams are things that can be controlled then, by nature of the fact that none of us really know what life is, that must mean that we actually have a lot of control over our awake life.

Right?

That’s what I think.

Many of the experiences that happened in my life have lead me to believe this. That we have more control over our own life than we chose. For example we can chose to focus on a sad life and make that the reality, or we can be imaginative. We think about all of the joyful things going on in our life and focus on those, thereby making them the primary reality. We can even create new great things in our imagination and put our energy into making those the reality. Whatever we shine a light on that will be the brightest. If we imagine the best life we can accept and we work towards it we will get it because we are actively searching for it. It’s really as simple as the old adage “seek and you shall find”. Why has this saying traveled through time? Because it’s true and we should come to know it. I’m sure there are many old sayings that speak truths that we should internalize but instead, at least like me, tend to forget.

I really must remember these things — specially during times when I become too afraid and inevitably stop walking towards my dreams. I hate those times…

Maybe that’s why I am writing this down. There are times I need a quick reminder and I am not sure where to turn to. I guess I don’t have something to remind me that I have more control over the outcome of my day to day life. That it is my choice what I chose to be present for and how I chose to react to things. Everyone is already caught up in their own illusion of reality to remember themselves, so I can’t rely or depend on another person to remind me. Plus, some times I need a quick reminder.

There are those times when I get scared, overwhelmed, tired and I start to focus on the fear. I forget that it’s all just one big dream and I just shine a light on all the negative emotions that are swirling up inside of me, I make them real. Instead of using those emotions as fuel, I find truth in them and I freeze. I stop moving towards my dreams. I don’t get closer to my goals. Overtime the space between me and those goals actually starts to drift away. That just make things worse.

Thankfully something finally reminds me not to take this dream of life so seriously.

Then (again) I start focusing on the process of life, the journey. Again, I begin to shine a light on all of the beautiful things in life. Yet again, I take forwards steps towards my goals. 

This cycle tends to repeat itself, at least it has ever since I began to have my own thoughts about life. Maybe with the more that I learn those thoughts will evolve, but for now they have been useful — specially with easing the stress that comes with what life is now.

One day I hope to always remember to live more in the present, where the ride through this dream current is the smoothes. Maybe I can imagine myself being a real yogi and enjoy surfing through a harmonious life. 

Maybe.

A field of wonderful possibilities is just a paradigm shift away:

let’s start imagining. 

how I’m dealing with China’s smoking culture

This afternoon, at the nearby park, I saw a Chinese man pushing his baby’s stroller. He was spending some quality time with his young son and the sight of that warmed my heart, but only for a moment. As soon as I saw the cigarette I froze. When the man took a puff and the cloud of smoke floated over the baby’s head all the love that I previously felt turned into ice-cold anger.

Furious thoughts about the man started invading my head. He doesn’t he care about his child. He is such a terrible person that he doesn’t mind to smoke around his little kid. What a horrible man, he is affecting the poor baby’s whole future — specially his health! Stupid man!!! Then my thoughts started going back to all of the other times I saw Chinese people smoke without regard for anyone around them.

It happens all of the time. In restaurants, inside malls, stores, cars, elevators, stairwells, and it doesn’t matter if people are around, or if those people are children or pregnant women, the Chinese men will still smoke!

Fortunately today my inner rant didn’t last for as long as it usually does. As soon as I realized the angry dialogue going on in my head I made the decision to stop it from going any further.

Who was it helping anyway? The Chinese man was oblivious to my inner frustrations and disgust. And I was only hurting myself by continuing to feed the angry thoughts. So I started to rationalize. After all those men that smoke everywhere must not know any better…

I hope that one day they will learn to be mindful of where they smoke and of the people around them. For now, feeling angry towards those people only hurts me.

So, for the thousandth time I realized again that it’s so true what they say: if you hold anger inside you only hurt yourself. 

I really hope that I can remember this the next time, and every time, those feelings start to come up. For now, I am so glad that my entire day wasn’t ruined by my own doing.

The thing about China…

At this point I’ve lived in China for a little over seven months. Thankfully I was able to have a break from all of the craziness of China during the recent Spring Festival holiday break.

Okay, okay China is actually not all “crazy”. There are many, many, great things about China. In fact, my first experience with China was nothing short of magical!

However coming back it was harder to feel much of the same magic that I felt the first time around. This time it was so tough to leave my loved ones again. This time loved ones included things like fresh air and so many other Western comforts, like clean and quiet streets.

The thing about China is that it really is a beautiful place. It is full of unique landscapes and history. Sadly though, most Chinese cities and rural areas are extremely polluted.

Many of you may already be aware of the air pollution problem that China faces. Unfortunately it doesn’t stop there. The rivers and lakes are super trashed too.

There is an incredible amount of people that just litter anywhere. Chinese cities (at least all of the ones that I have been to) actually have trash cans everywhere but Chinese people don’t seem to realize their purpose. Even if there is a trash bin just feet away people will opt to just drop their trash right on the floor — or in the rivers or lakes.

This type of behavior makes it seem like Chinese people don’t care for their land, for preserving any natural environment.

The lack of care goes beyond how Chinese people treat their land. Not only is there an incredible amount of land and water pollution, noise pollution is a huge problem as well.

Fireworks go off day and night. Any day or night, without any warning. It simply doesn’t matter if it’s one am and most people are trying to go to sleep, or if it’s seven am and people are trying to stay asleep!

Fireworks blasting off throughout the day aren’t the only noises that permeate China. Car, moped, and bus horns are the music of the streets — except they are not pleasant to hear. Chinese vehicle horns are so jarring that you’ll soon end up with a headache, or just feeling completely annoyed and upset with the unpleasantness of the sound.

As if man-made things aren’t enough to clog up your ears, Chinese people are so loud! This is especially true when they talk on their phone. It’s really not the funnest thing to listen to others conversations — even if you don’t understand a word of what they are saying.

Alright. Okay. So it’s right about the time to do a disclosure now.

Of course not every person in China is this way, but these behaviors do seem to affect a great majority of the Chinese people. It is such a great amount of people that fall into this generalization that (as a foreign visitor) you absolutely cannot walk outside of your home or hotel, for even just fifteen minutes, without experiencing any of these things.

All in all the littering and noise pollution can be something tolerable. Fireworks don’t really last for too long (usually no more than an hour). The honking I’m sure that as annoying as it is has saved many lives. Finally the loud talking can easily be escaped by simply popping in some headphones. As for the littering there are actually people who’s sole job is to pick up the trash on the streets and sidewalks. So eventually most of the trash gets picked up.

Yes, most of those things can easily be tolerated with some awareness and lots of patience.What is not so easily tolerated are the following two things:

One, the loud hacking of throat gunk followed by spitting wherever it’s most convenient — so anywhere. Really, there are puddles of spit everywhere. Out on the streets on walkways, inside buildings, even busses!

The second thing that holds no boundaries — and is just as intolerable as the first — is the peeing and pooping in public. Throughout my time here I’ve only seen a handful of men openly pee on the walkways, and (so unfortunately) one pooping. Fortunately I haven’t seen more, but I’ve seen plenty of turds. Super gross, I know!

The thing is that these Chinese people that do this type of thing probably don’t know any better. From what I have witness they learn this behavior from early childhood.

I’ve seen tens, probably hundreds, of little children openly peeing and pooping on the sidewalks — even children old enough to hold it —  with their parents right besides them holding them up to pee or poop if they aren’t old enough to do it themselves.

So, if you ever visit China and notice that people squat everywhere instead of sit on any floors, sidewalk, or steps it is because every inch of every walking surface is plastered with throat gunk, urine, or human waste.

But please only take this post as informational material and don’t let it deter you from ever visiting any Chinese city. As I mentioned earlier, the thing about China is that it really does have many great things to offer the foreign visitor. It actually is kind of a magical place. Just be aware of these things so that you are prepared to handle them when you do visit — and perhaps maybe don’t stay here for as long as I have.

the Chinese toilet —a squatty potty!!!

Yeah. I’m taking about it. I didn’t know about it before I arrived in China and it’s something that I should’ve been told… I would’ve been more prepared — both mentally and physically!

Here goes, Chinese toilets are not like Western toilets. That’s it. Big shocker huh? I was shocked, my egocentric mentality thought that all toilets were like the ones that we have in the West. Nope. These toilet are appropriately named ‘squatters’, they’re flat on the ground and, as a lady, you have to squat to go potty. For guys the standard urinals are available, unless they’re caught needing to go no.2 —then the squat is on!

squatty-potty.jpeg

It takes some getting used to. I’m not going to go into details, there are actually plenty of other sites that will explain how to use these types of toilets. What I want to point out are the physical benefits that you get from using a squatty potty.

The squat gives your legs a great, probably much needed, stretch and it activates your core too!

There you go. That’s it, again. It’s so simple, you get a core and leg work out each time you use a squatty potty. Further, in a squatting position the muscles in your core actually work better together to help you along your business faster. Plus, it’s great for your feet too!

When you squat you have to root your toes into the ground, to actually stay balanced. This is a practice that taught in so many Yoga poses, among many things it really helps with blood flow.

Imagine, each time you use a Chinese toilet you actually enhance your body!

In-fact using a Chinese toilet is basically just like doing Frog Pose —you get the same benefits.

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Sure, this style of toilet is different, even awkward or silly, but isn’t at all bad —it’s actually good for you!

It certainly takes some getting used to but if it’s beneficial for your body…then it’s worth it.